34 Comments
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Casey von Neumann's avatar

It takes courage to question your reality and try a different way. Even more to write about it. Well done. 💛

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Emma Murphy's avatar

Thank you so much. That means a lot. It’s definitely a work in progress, but writing about it feels like a step in the right direction.

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Adrienne Adhami's avatar

I've asked myself similar questions this year. I'm recovering from an addiction to achievement. Defining 'good enough' is so important, otherwise nothing ever will be.

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Emma Murphy's avatar

An addiction to achievement sums it up perfectly — I can completely relate. Redefining 'good enough' after years of striving for unattainable standards is a challenging but essential step.

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Aneisha Velazquez's avatar

“Addiction to achievement” is great term for this. I like to call myself a “recovered perfectionist” but I may need to update my terminology.

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Francisca Câmara's avatar

I've just wrote about this: I think is due to feelings of not feeling safe being one's self so we look on the outside to tell us it is safe to just be us. I wrote about this today and yesterday. Really loved to read your view on it. 🤍

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Emma Murphy's avatar

I love the way you've framed this. That deep need for external reassurance makes so much sense when we don't feel safe just being ourselves. I'm looking forward to reading what you've written on this! 🤍

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Francisca Câmara's avatar

It's in my recent newsletters but I think it aligns with what you wrote. I really loved your analysis because it captures it so well! 🤍

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Hana's avatar

Loving this on so many levels - loving it for myself, my friends, my mom, my mentors and professors. There are so many people in my life trying to prove their worth through productivity. I’ll forward this article to them with hope that ot sparks even a tiny flame of self reflection or self doubt. Thank you for this, really well put!

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Emma Murphy's avatar

That means so much. Thank you for sharing it! It’s wild how deeply this belief is ingrained in so many of us, often without even realising it. I hope it offers a little space for reflection (or even just a deep breath) for those who need it x

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Anjali Krishnakumar's avatar

I loved this beautiful share, Emma! I could resonate a lot! Living for oneself, not others, should be a high priority, just like the others.

“People who've neither tried nor understood your path are often the loudest in stopping you from pursuing it” is something I've learned recently! Nevertheless, you do what your gut says! ✨

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Emma Murphy's avatar

Thank you so much, Anjali! I’m really glad this resonated with you. Living for ourselves can feel like a radical act when we’re so used to external expectations. That quote is so true! The loudest voices often come from those who don’t fully understand.

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Paddy Hayes's avatar

Loved every word of this. Thank you for sharing, and I hope you've found comfort/joy in the extra 20% you've given yourself!

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Emma Murphy's avatar

Thanks so much! I really have. It’s been the best gift I’ve ever given myself. Honestly, I just wish I’d done it sooner! 😅

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Praan's Pages's avatar

This is really amazing :). Thank you for writing.

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Emma Murphy's avatar

Thank you so much! I really appreciate it.

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Saved by Grace's avatar

I'm amazed how many of us are caught up in this cycle for all sorts of reasons. I've been a performing, people pleasing perfectionist my entire life and it's only now, at 67 (after a breakdown) that I'm slowly changing my thoughts, beliefs and behaviours...better later than never!

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Emma Murphy's avatar

It's never too late! I always thought I was alone in my struggles with this, but sharing my experience has opened my eyes to how many of us are feeling this way. I'm so happy to hear you're finding a way to break this cycle. Wishing you all the best x

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Nick Reed's avatar

*How often do we convince ourselves that a new job, title, or achievement will finally make us feel ‘enough,’ only to find we’re still chasing that elusive finish line?"

How about right now? I'm personally felt so seen with this part of the post. While I can't resonate with school I can definitely see myself in the work part of your story. To be set free you must free yourself. Much love.

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Emma Murphy's avatar

"To be set free, you must free yourself" you're absolutely right! Thank you so much for reading.

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Hanna Palmer's avatar

This is amazing. It’s exactly how I feel. You nailed it.

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Emma Murphy's avatar

Thank you! That means a lot.

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Bobby Duthu's avatar

This is a very well written story.

And by that I mean, easy to read.

Also intersting that my experience is the opposite of yours.

My struggle is the inability to live-up to my own expectations, despite those close to me reporting enviable over-achievement.

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Emma Murphy's avatar

Thanks so much, Bobby! I find it fascinating how the feeling of being 'good enough' shows up differently for all of us.

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Rachel's avatar

I love this reflection and am definitely going on the same journey right now in terms of my self-worth, and what influences it. It takes so much courage to come to these realisations which deeply challenge your core beliefs about yourself, and try to take action for the better. Kudos to you ✨ (plus the quote from your mum is incredible - it’s painful but it’s so true!)

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Emma Murphy's avatar

Thanks so much! I had hoped the journey would be linear but it’s feeling more like a squiggly line for me right now. My mum will be very chuffed to hear that her quote was a hit 😂

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Alec McNayr's avatar

My ingredients are different but the dish tastes the same. The pressure to be the success that you think others want you to be. Whew. That’s a mind-bender. Great stuff. Thanks.

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Emma Murphy's avatar

Thanks for reading!

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Des Norwood's avatar

What a beautiful reflection! This resonates deeply when I was in corporate thinking I had "made it" but was dealing with constant anxiety. Thank you for sharing this.

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Emma Murphy's avatar

Thanks so much!

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名前のない火 – The Fool's avatar

The principle of my son's kindergarten always says: "Please don't compare your children. Every kids have their own pace, there is no need to be rushed. 1 year, 2 years, 3 years, each kids will bloom by their own timing." I agree with her, so I do provide opportunities for my son to try new things, I don't ask for performance, just hoping he enjoys the experience, as his world is a white canvas full of opportunities.

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saar.thaets's avatar

So strong of you that you dared to look and do things differently. Sometimes we need really life changing events to do so.

Beautifully written too! Loved the read.

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Emma Murphy's avatar

Thank you so much! That means a lot. It’s true. It can take those big moments to shake us awake 🤍

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